A lifeline

Today I found a notebook from a lifetime ago where I used to write "poetry". With cheesy lines like "Do not read this material unless authorised to do so" on the cover and various cheesy by lines that I did think up myself (and it shows) on the inside cover. In the naively written passages, I see a person struggling to express herself to herself and trying to understand things around. A lot of the things that are written were probably hardly ever discussed. The most amazing thing, however, is how little some of my thoughts have changed in the intervening years. I could have written it yesterday :)! Of course there are some that could have been written by another person altogether! It's like looking back at yourself through a temporal mirror and to that end let me quote from the little book from a LONG time ago:

"Who is that stranger? She glares at me so ...
What is it about her that makes me cringe; run away
Vaguely she resembles someone I knew a long time ago ..
Someone I identified with
Someone I left behind in this struggle of life. Childlike. Innocent. Brave.
Qualities I knew she had but did not appreciate
I wanted her to understand. Be wise and worldly.
I taught her things she would have been better off not knowing.
I showed her things she would have been better off not seeing.
I scorned her for she was not like all the others around her.
I wanted to mould her into something she was not.
I made her canny and aware.
Pity was: I succeeded ..
For would it not have been better, had she retained the very qualities I weaned her from.
I took away a vision and replaced it with reality.
I can't look her in the eye any more,
the person I was a long time ago ...

** The poem is about replacing a childhood with the vision of adulthood, the loss of idealism and the setting in of cynicism.

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:) It's funny to read your own stuff from long back and in some places it feels weird, but it's such a joy!! :-D I'm loving reading my little book from a long time ago!